What Do We Say?

24 Jan

I think my little brother is depressed. I don’t really know what to say to him, either. He’s just…sad. We’re really close, so we used to talk to each other all the time about everything and laugh at stupid stuff together, but now we don’t even know what to say to each other anymore. We hardly talk anymore. When we do it’s awkward. My whole family, really. We try to pretend that things are normal, but I think we overdo it sometimes. Kind of like when people who are secretly kind of racist try to act like they’re not racist, and they wind up coming off as racist because they overdo it. It’s like that. I don’t really know what to do or what to say. I just want him to be happy, and I don’t have any idea what to say to him or if that’s even possible. He’s been just participating in tons of hobbies and hanging out with friends all the time for distraction purposes, I think. But I guess, it’s not enough anymore.

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11 Responses to “What Do We Say?”

  1. Claudia January 25, 2013 at 1:04 PM #

    What makes you different is that you’re acknowledging you don’t know what to say. Let him know your loss for words, and ask him if he’d like you to take him to the movies, or got get a DVD for him – or whatever he likes to do. From that point forward, you’ll feel more comfortable, and he will too. You’ll move from feeling awkward into being of service to him.

    • BcomingFree January 25, 2013 at 11:39 PM #

      Thanks…since I’m so far right now, it’s hard to figure out exactly what to do, but my brother’s feeling a little better now that I talked to him. I think he was just feeling upset because he thought there was nothing that he can actually do to me help out since I’m so far away and nothing he could do to help my dad either, really. So I suggested that he do some practical things around the house so that our parents don’t have to worry about them, and now he feels like he’s actually doing something, and I’m pretty sure that’s helping him to feel better!

      • Claudia January 26, 2013 at 12:20 AM #

        Sounds like it’s all coming together – hooray for healthy relationships that withstand the awkwardness of cancer.

      • BcomingFree January 26, 2013 at 12:22 AM #

        Yeah haha I just hope it stays that simple!

  2. Claudia January 26, 2013 at 11:58 PM #

    I just followed you on Twitter. I’m trying to figure out where you are in the cancer process. Hang in there. Everything seems to go upside down for a while. Some people leave – some come back, and you are at choice with what to do if that happens. Once you know what to expect and who is hanging around for good, you’ll know who to lean into. KISS (Keep it simple, sweetie!)

    • BcomingFree January 27, 2013 at 1:07 PM #

      Cool, thanks! I just followed you back. At times, I feel like I’m still trying to figure out where I am in the process…but I’m still in treatment, and probably will be for a while. That’s how it’s looking at this point. It seemed like everyone kind of thought it would be a quick fix (quicker than this at least), so some of the people that said they would be there are slowly kinda backing out. It also doesn’t help that my support system is all in a different state, but…ya know, they do what they can. Thanks 🙂

      • Claudia February 1, 2013 at 9:58 PM #

        Yes, some will back out, but others-people you don’t even know will show up and help you in the most amazing ways. Trust the kindness of humanity. It shines!

      • BcomingFree February 2, 2013 at 1:16 PM #

        I’ve noticed that. People that I didn’t think of as good friends have all the sudden become the most amazing support system I could ask for! 🙂 They’re awesome ❤ And random people, too.

      • Claudia February 2, 2013 at 9:51 PM #

        Yep! I had a neighbor I’d never met before come to my door and ask me what I needed from the store. Some other people I didn’t really know took me to the store. The universe isn’t so random, after all! We’re supported, just not always by whom we expect. 😉 C Keep truckin’!

  3. cancerkickingirl January 27, 2013 at 6:08 PM #

    Hey! I saw you were following my blog and had to check your blog and love how honest you are like myself and will follow you on twitter! 🙂 I was curious as to what type of cancer you had? I didn’t see. I have stage 4 pancreatic – chemo tomorrow for me, oh boy! Take care and stay in touch!! 🙂

    • BcomingFree January 27, 2013 at 6:43 PM #

      Thanks 🙂 Stage IV metastatic renal cell carcinoma. Take it easy, hope your day goes alright. Thanks, you too!

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