Psychedelic Rainbow Turbo Squid Party in my Head

28 Jan

Apparently, I lost 5 lbs this weekend. My hem/onc was not pleased about it because the whole point of using the PEG tube was to gain weight…but if I know my body, it’s going to do exactly the opposite of what it’s supposed to. Maybe he should have put me on a diet…some reverse psychology could have worked? I dunno, just a thought. But if I know about it, is it really reverse psychology?

Anyways…I’m apparently on too much Dilaudid and IV Benadryl to have coherent thoughts right now? It’s like a psychedelic rainbow turbo squid party in my head. At least that means that I’ll be able to sleep tonight! That’s good, because my stomach is killing me!! Ugh. My lung nodules apparently like…grew or whatever. I was hoping for only good news since I started this new med for the mRCC in December. Some good news, though, is that I have been able to pee! Ok, maybe I didn’t need to share that? Ah, what the heck!

Anyways what was I saying…so I could have lost 5 lbs from having a fever and stuff and my body needed extra “juice” to keep it chugging. I’m supposed to keep eating with my mouth, too…you know, so I can still swallow and stuff later, but…I don’t wanna! It hurts and it’s just exhausting. Plus, I’m really not hungry. Pretty sure I don’t do enough in a day to work up an appetite. Well…except for when Prednisone is involved. Then, it makes me wanna eat anything ever.

They had me talk to the nutritionist, and she didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know, but she’s nice, so…you know, whatever and stuff. Plus, now I have to eat on a neutropenic diet type thing until my counts come back up. Chemo kinda obliterated them. Makes it hard to actually know what to eat and what not to eat, so then I just get frustrated and say forget the whole thing and just do the PEG tube stuff. And I’m supposed to like…not have a lot of sugary things, I think cuz tumors like glucose, but not too much protein or anything acidic really, cuz my kidney is in the process of failing, and no fresh fruits or veggies because of my blood counts, but they said cooked veggies generally don’t have enough calories, and when you cook them, you lose a lot of the nutritional value…I feel like instead of telling me what NOT to eat, they should tell me what TO eat. I’m also having some irritation in my mouth and GI tract that just makes anything involving food kinda miserable, and once I get past the “eating” part of it…well don’t even get me started on what happens after that. No one wants to know. I don’t really know where I was going with this, so I guess I should stop before I divulge too much information lol. Kthxbai!

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