I Had Some Pretty Wild Dreams Last Night

19 Jul

I’ve been sleeping a lot, so I’ve had a lot of dreams. My dreams tend to be weird. Like this:

One was about a girl named Julia, she was my sister in the dream, and she had a bike that we helped her color gold, purple, and green with special crayons. She was a very determined little girl and borderline enchanting. She made fireworks out of tree branches. We thought we lost her for a while, but she was just swimming with these other little girls in the pond. Julia liked yellow fruits and vegetables, she liked to swim and dance, and she liked monkey bars. We also had a dog who was attached to a very expensive vacuum full of rotten fish, and our dad was Robin Williams, and he wanted to put up gymnastics rings in our garage. When he realized that was a bad idea, he started to detach them, but they got stuck to the dog and turned into a vacuum cleaner full of rotten fish. He had to strangle the dog a little to get it off, so he hesitated and the dog ran away because it wanted to hump the vacuum cleaner. I let the dog go free and ran the other way. Our dad ran after it.

I also had a dream that I was learning to play Michael Jackson songs on the piano, but I was scared that I would have to pee in the middle. I was really slow at reading sheet music, and I had to write down all the notes. In the meantime, we had guests over and I told them I wasn’t finished. They didn’t care.

I had a dream that I was helping Leonardo DiCaprio and his ship mates win a pirate regatta and earn gold. He was a swing dancer turned pirate, and he was still learning. There was a burly man helping him to keep other men from kissing his girlfriend after they chopped wood. His girlfriend was Kate Winslet, naturally. The burly man rigged a machine to help Leonardo win gold, and Leonardo got 5th in the giant log competition. The boat was owned by the British, and we were fighting against the Americans and the Scottish to win, but the Americans used guerrilla warfare tactics and cheated, ruining our boat with giant Marlins. The Scottish turned their boats into water cars and said “When you use cars, a boat race becomes a road race.” We crushed their cars with our boats. We came in 2nd because of the Americans.

I also had a dream that I was to be in a huge production and we were learning to dance, but I had to go on a flying bicycle carpet with my ex boyfriend over the ocean first, so I was late to practice and didn’t get many parts in the production. We were supposed to land in NY, but we landed in FL in the water full of sharks. We swam to safety, and then I ran to practice. We practiced the dances, and later won an award, but it was just a box of animal crackers, and it had a “pop up spider” crawl out of it and into our pile of laundry. Gross.

When I say, “My dreams are weird,” I really mean it.

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