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Been A While

12 Oct

I have to get a chest x-ray. I think I got the pain medicine all figured out, because my pain level is way better, but I’m so sleepy and out of it. Sometimes things don’t feel real. It feels like I’m sleeping all the time or like everything is a dream even while I’m awake. I haven’t been posting much, either. Also, I grind my teeth when I sleep, and when I’m awake, it just feels like I’m clenching my jaw all the time, so my face always hurts. I can’t stop myself from doing it, though. I’ve been trying to talk to my dad, but I feel like I’m not really making sense, but I don’t know. I’m sleepy.



1 Oct

My eyes are crisscrossing and glazing over…I should go to sleep. Night!

You’re Probably Sick of My Dreams

31 Aug

I had a dream that I was a backup dancer for Robin Thicke, but all the other dancers were little girls and this one little boy. It was really awkward. This one little girl was crying. We were all trying to get attention from the audience so that we could win (win what? I don’t know), and this little girl, Julia, was a backup dancer and she was crying, so someone got on the loudspeaker and sang a song just for her. We got up and sang some children’s song together and then posed. Then, Robin Thicke came on stage to perform. People were kind of upset with him because his tour bus was blocking the view and he needed his own personal red carpet.

I also had a dream that Tom Cruise asked me to take his orange and black mustang and go kill people. He wanted me to be back by noon, which was impossible given the time constraints. So basically I turned into an evil guy and went and killed all these people, and then Adele was supposed to be driving them back to Tom’s office for me. She got in a car accident with all of the bodies in the car, and they flew everywhere. She then turned into a live sarcophagus that was upside down in the desert, but she looked like a giant bug. That sentence makes no sense, but that’s about how much sense it made in my dream. But yeah, I was upset because I just wanted Tom Cruise not to be upset with me because he would kill me.

Then I had a dream that I was at school and my parents were coming to visit. I was taking this really hard exam from my neuro professor, but it was on pathology. Then my parents met my pathophysiology professor who lived with a 3rd year. They took my parents to see the Dean, and I went back to class.



25 Aug

I’m out of Ambien. How will I sleep now?


25 Aug

I have a cousin that is basically throwing her life away. She’s smart, but she’s not using it. She’s not talking to family anymore, she keeps getting pregnant, and she’s in and out of relationships with men that are no good for her. I love her and all, and I wish she would move back home.

I had a dream that she helped me with my fashion sense/wardrobe, clean my apartment, kill roaches, do laundry and dishes, and get my life together. Then we ate corn dogs and peas. Weird.

I also had a dream that was too detailed to even try to write about.

My Dream Made No Sense At All

25 Aug

I was dying from cancer. I was having a very weird conversation with Jim on the phone. My dad got diagnosed with colon cancer, so I kept following him everywhere, and he got annoyed. I dressed up like a ballerina and took pictures of myself and ‘how things used to be’ before I got cancer. Then, I was Stewie from Family Guy going down a slide that cost 50¢, but I paid $21. It was for people 11 years old and under. It spun you around in your thoughts. Then I was me again watching telemundo and univisión with my friend from high school. Then we talked about a bunch of people in music videos with lots of colors as I ate from a jar of peanut butter and jelly swirled together while in church. After that, my mom took a history of my cousin Crystal’s life from her before she died. Then my cousin Malcolm and I started flying in circles around the room higher and higher. I was trying to get higher than him because I’m slightly older. He’s much taller, though, and I scraped the ceiling, so it didn’t work. Then I circled so fast and I jumped awake. It was startling.

The night before, I forgot that I also dreamt that I was in a new house with my family. My room was really small and inside of my brother’s room. Then I explored it more and discovered it was huge with it’s own other bedrooms and luxurious bathrooms. Then it became a bed store. I had to run back to the original room before time ran out and I lost it forever. The bathroom was in my brother’s room. Every room was full of old baby stuff from the last family that lived there. It was all shoved to the sides of the rooms. The shower had carpet and no walls, so I felt weird in there.

I had another dream that I was at an expo, and I dressed up in my dobok to go back to a taekwondo and MMA competition. It was also an ice skating, hypnotism, and ribbon twirling competition. I wanted to compete, but hadn’t fought in a long time, so I couldn’t. We looked at some clothes and hair ties they were selling at the expo and my mom got into it with a lady at the scarf table. We looked at some clothes and then went to watch the matches. We saw some guys fighting tirelessly and they were still going when we left. We watched my friends compete, and we sat next to this lady who claimed she loved me since the day she gave birth to me as she clung to me during the hypnotism routine. my mom then explained the details of my birth. The woman’s daughter and the woman went to the parking lot with us and they left. My mom and I got in her rental car. She had forgotten to cap the exhaust pipes. On my passenger side, I had a steering wheel and what I thought were brakes, too. It was just a shortbread cookie can. There was bluetooth hookup for your pager. It was a kind of old car.

My last dream was that I was at the hospital working with my mom. I was following her all over the place. We tested my dad’s kidney function and his heart function. Then she got a phone call and had to leave. I saved some medicine for one of her patients in the medicine cabinet at the office. Then she took me with her, though I was supposed to go with my dad. We posed for pictures with a dog on a tennis court, then we went through the halls of the hospital. I started to samba dance, and we saw all of these people in costumes ready to do a dance competition. We went into Dr. Niambi’s office, which was huge as in my dream she was the ‘queen of my medical school’ and we talked to some ladies about their children. My mom asked me to leave, and then they discussed ‘adult matters.’ I came back, and was asked why. I said I missed them, and they all cooed. We were then all dressed up. Will Smith was talking and his kids were playing in her water fountain getting all dirty. My dad and I moved away from them and took Dr. Niambi’s microphones out of her call box. She came back and started to sing, so my dad and I ballroom danced. We put her microphones back, and then my mom went into her office to discuss her partner dropping her from the practice to see whose fault it was. Then I woke up.

Dreams About My Brother

24 Aug

Last night I had some pretty weird dreams (again) all involving my brother.

In the first one, we were trying to sneak him into the country, because he was from a different country, which was literally like down the street. Then we got into the country and took him to the church we used to go to, but it was taken over by another church and filled with Halloween decorations. Scary ones. We decided to go to the church’s restaurant instead of the service. They were playing India Arie’s song “Back to the Middle” and I was singing along. When we sat down, there was already food there and there were HUGE, GINORMOUS alcoholic beverages. I had a beer and a margarita. The beer was really good. It was Heineken’s “Off Blood” beer (which doesn’t really exist, obviously). I didn’t have room for the margarita. They came and took the old food off the table, but wanted to charge us for it, so the waitress gave my dad some cash to cover it. Then they brought us our appetizer, which was enchiladas covered in goat cheese on top of lettuce and pita. Weird. It was good, though. Then they brought us our entrees in a bag. I had a hamburger, and we were gonna go home to eat it later. On the walk to the car, we passed all of these stores and we walked through a clothing store and Homegoods. They were playing “Yo no me doy por vencido” but not the version by Luis Fonsi. An older version, I guess. I was singing along to that, too. We also walked through a Chico’s clothing store and I ran into a mannequin. We got to the car, and my dad drove the wrong way around the round-a-bout.

I had this other dream that I drove up to this random house and rang the doorbell. I didn’t know why, so I decided to make up some name and ask if they were there. A girl came to the door, and I asked if Michelle was there. I expected her to be like “wrong house” but she was like, yeah, she’s up in my brother’s room. I started petting her dog, and said Michelle Smith or Michelle Hightower? She said, “the one who was just diagnosed with leukemia” and I said. Oh no, wrong Michelle. Then I said if the other Michelle stops by, to have her brother call me. Then she said ok, and I went to my car and drove off, but her dog loved me and followed me. He eventually let me go, and I drove off and got lost. I stopped at this seedy place to program my GPS. I got out of the car, and I was walking through this place…I forgot what I was looking for…but my brother was waiting for me outside. I saw this man…Aaron Paul (Pinkman) from Breaking Bad, actually…and he had a gun. He started following me, so I was like sh*t sh*t sh*t in my head. Then he stopped and shot off his big toe. My brother looked unfazed. Then he proceeded to shoot off the rest of his toes. My brother made some comment, and Aaron Paul pointed the gun at us. I was trying to shut my brother up as we walked briskly back to the car. My brother kept making comments, and Aaron pointed the gun at us again. I grabbed my brother by the collar and pulled him towards the car. Then Aaron said “I’m the catalyst of that reaction!” and my brother, to make a point, walked me to my side of the car, then got into his side of the car. We drove off, getting a little lost, then I decided to drive to taekwondo so see my old instructor. Then it cut to where my little brother was a bit older. He had shaggy hair and hats and kinda bummy clothes. He kinda looked like an older version of Harry Styles from one direction. Then my dream became narrated by some voice. It talked about how Charlie (my brother) bounced from place to place, never settling down. When he got too comfortable somewhere, he had to leave. It showed him getting involved in selling weed and shooting peas with a rubber band. He hung out with dangerous people, and he didn’t want to admit to them that his sister (me) was black. Then it showed him working as a waiter at a restaurant and running to the shoe place next door where the owner knew him well. He had to return the shoes he was wearing and trade them for new ones because the owner wouldn’t let him wear them. He traded them for these fuzzy ugg boots just to piss off his boss. Then a girl ran in screaming saying his friends were in an ambulance. He ran down the street and saw that out of his 3 friends, only 1 of them was alive still. He ran back to the shoe store and started crying. Then I was suddenly there throwing up blood and oatmeal on the floor of the shoe store. And that was pretty much it.

More Entries for My Weird Dreams File

18 Aug

I was at a theme park with my mom and my brother. My brother ran off and we didn’t see him again. My mom was looking for him and getting really mad. I was getting famous for writing a TV show kinda like Family Guy over at the snack bar. I got paid in loose potato chips (as in not in packages). They suddenly turned into dollars and I gave them all to the snack bar and got an ice cream sandwich. A round one with lots of chocolate. I looked for a place to eat it, and suddenly the theme park became a boat. One seat was swinging out over the water, and I said “nope, nope, nope!” So I sat down near a family. Soon the grandma came back and I was in her seat, so I asked if the seat across from them was taken. It wasn’t, so I sat there. I finished my ice cream, and ran into my mom. She was mad about not finding my brother. We both went and found my dad and some of her coworkers playing this game that when you throw these balls into holes over the water, you get points. However, you had to wait a while after every 3 balls or so. My dad was doing pretty well. One of my mom’s coworkers kept jumping in the water, and the people who made the game were making big artificial waves and there was a huge blow-up killer whale in the water. He didn’t care, though, and got slammed into a wall by a huge wave. The killer whale then started choosing people he wanted to kill by screaming in their faces with fire in his mouth, and he chose me. Then I woke up.

In my next dream, I saw Ronald Reagan get elected, and then he was making a speech. He said something that no one liked, and this man from the intelligence party stood up, outraged, and asked him a tough question. Then, we were in his house. There was a filmmaker that loved his house and was given his house, but he wanted to make it seem like a dark and dangerous place. Mickey mouse was on the couch, and another mouse was with me. Sylvester the cat was planning something devious and tried to get the mice to follow him, so they chased him all around the house and halfway down to the basement. Sylvester hid under the stairs, and the mice thought something must be wrong, so they stopped going down the stairs. Then they heard Sylvester hiss, and the mouse who wasn’t mickey stuck his hand under the step, and Sylvester started licking it, then Sylvester bit his hand. The mice ran away.


I should probably start studying for path now. I had chemo today and I feel really…gross.

The Dreams Continue

13 Aug

I had a dream about rats and that my parents got my brother and iPhone 5 and they got me a toy phone and told me to buy my own real phone. I had to rub all this stuff all over my hands everyday, just a bunch of different solutions to keep my skin from falling off. We went to Best Buy and there was a girl in black face in the parking lot wanting to date my brother, and she was like, “don’t worry, I’m white.” So my parents go pissed and we ran away from her cuz my mom was driving the car with her feet. She ran a red light, too. And there were these rats that came out in our living room, and they ran under me out into the sewers. I tried to look in the fridge, but everything, especially the kefir, fell down. (We don’t buy kefir). And that was my dream.

Can’t Sleep

10 Aug


This shouldn’t surprise me. It happens all the time, even with the Ambien. Now here comes the part where I start thinking too many thoughts alone in my room and get all worked up over things that A) shouldn’t bother me, B) will never occur, or C) I shouldn’t be thinking about in the first place.

Right now, I’d say we’re at C. Still can’t stop thinking about those statistics I saw earlier. It got even worse when it metastasized to multiple distant locations, and uh…yeah, I won that bag of shit jackpot, too. Lucky me over here! I know I shouldn’t be thinking about this, which is why it’s on my list as C.

I also had a strange dream. I was at a show in an auditorium, and we kept changing seat for some weird reason that I can’t exactly explain, but it had to do with the trajectory of this thing that would slice our broccoli. Then, we left, and my brother and I had to run back to our house, but they had turned it into dorm rooms and made all the rooms smaller (everyone got a corner of the microwave to use) and locked us in the basement. *we don’t even have a basement* so we ran around campus until we could finally get into our house and we had to battle everyone inside to get our house back, but the people inside were my cousins and my little sib from school. I was livid. Then there was some cap’n crunch involved somehow and running around and a Christmas tree, and we got our house back, but had a lot of unwanted guests in the dining room.