Tag Archives: advanced directives

Medicated Stream of Consciousness

28 Jan

I talked to my social worker and some other people, we looked at the advanced directives stuff and power of attorney stuff again to see if I wanted to update anything. I feel like that’s a bad sign, is that a bad sign? I keep getting these bad signs, and I’m not sure if it’s just me taking things the wrong way, or if they’re trying to off me! Like their goal just seems to be “progression free” and no one is saying anything like “NED” or “remission” or “cure.” I don’t know if their vocabulary is going to switch up later on, or if those are just not…options for me. I mean, I knew this was going to be a kind of longer term thing, but…uh…I’m like legitimately scared. I’m probably just overanalyzing each individual word and on too much medication, I dunno.

Advertisements

Blowing Sunshine?

13 Jan

I’ve been letting myself feel how I feel recently instead of forcing myself to feel happy and “blow sunshine” as a friend of mine so eloquently put it. Letting myself have some time to feel upset has actually been making all the other days happier. Maybe it’s just by comparison, but either way, I feel happier for it.

I do know I’ve been able to appreciate everything more recently. All the little things have become big things, and then the things that seemed like a big deal before…seem like little things now. My family and I sat down and had the “Advanced Directives” talk again pretty recently. Every one of us expressed our wishes on what we would prefer under certain circumstances, including my little brother (the only one to not have it all in writing…besides the cat, of course). And then…I think to lighten the mood a little, we went into really outrageous and unlikely circumstances, asking what we would do in those cases. Made it less awkward, I think.