Tag Archives: alone

Good News!!

19 Apr

Ok, today seemed like a complete failure at first. I talked to my friend at school. I was getting there and it wasn’t raining. As soon as I stepped outside, BAM rained all over me. Poured rain. I was soaked and cold. They keep it freezing in that building, too. But when I got inside, my dad texted me that he just wanted to tell me he loves me <3.

Anyways, she gave me the advice of picking a scripture a week to go by that applies and really speaks to me that week. This week, I’ll go with that declaration I posted. Next week, I’ll go with a scripture. She also told me to pick one goal for each week and just focus on that one thing. This week, I’m going to try not to be irritable with my friends. I’ve been doing that, and I don’t want to. That’s not me. So, I’m going to consciously make an effort not to do that. We talked for about an hour and a half. She has anxiety, too, and was telling me how she copes with everything, that I’m not alone, and that more people deal with these kinds of things than I know. She said she was glad I talked to her and to talk to her anytime. That helped a lot. Plus I got the grade back for my exam that I took yesterday. I passed! I got a 74!! Not too shabby.

Also, my dad gave me good news! I talked to my daddy just now, and he said that his doctor said it looks like everything is gone!! Woohoo!!!! He had an MRI and it showed that he was all clear, and in 6 weeks, he’ll get a PET scan. YAY!!!!! Best news I’ve heard in a very long time. Maybe ever. Yeah…ever.

So in conclusion, today is not a failure. I may still be crying today. I may still feel lonely. I may still be in physical pain. But today is also good.

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Quote 21 Feb
“I think the nights are the worst because our bodies secretly put up a guard during the day, so when you get back home and you are alone, all of the pain, symptoms, etc. just flood out with nothing to hide.” -Unknown
Quote 4 Feb

داخل نفسي هو المكان الذي أعيش فيه وحده كل شيء.

Inside myself is a place where I live all alone.

I Read This Quote:

30 Jan

“It sucks and it’s going to suck, but try not to get so caught up that the good moments become poison too. Hell, if you have a good minute, congratulate yourself. Because, at this point, feeling like yourself even for a minute is magical. Over time, good moments become riddled with evil. In the moments you should be savoring, you spend time wondering how far you’ll fall this time. You feel alone. You realize how much your life has changed. So, what do you do? You pick yourself up and start to rebuild.”

At first I was like…well that’s depressing, but then I realized what they were saying, and it was right. Just thought I’d share.

Scared and Alone

23 Jan

In college, I had good friends that I could count on. A (co-ed) fraternity full of them, in fact! Now that I graduated, I live in a different city, and they’re all so far away. I don’t talk to too many of them anymore, and I don’t really have any friends here. Most people check up on me every once in a while, but it’s usually a text asking how I’m doing, and once I answer, then they feel they’ve satisfied their duty as a friend for a few weeks, and I don’t hear from them for a while. Maybe they just think I’m too busy to talk or that I want to be left alone, but I don’t, and I’ve tried to express that. Maybe I’m being too needy, expecting too much of people that have their own things going on right now. I mean, I probably am, but it’s just how I feel, and it’s hard to change that. I have one friend from college that I do keep in touch with on a regular basis, but she lives 7 hours away, so I can rarely see her. I just feel so lonely here. My family is amazing and they’re great people, but they’re just so stressed that they’re a little absent-minded as of late, and it feels like I’m talking to a wall when I try to talk to them. I’m sad pretty much 90% of the time, mostly because I’m doing this somewhat alone, though not completely. I probably feel more alone than I actually am, but that still hurts. Even texting doesn’t seem like quite enough on the really bad days. I’m the kind of person that…I just want to be in the company of a good friend, and that by itself tends to make me feel better. I’m really just scared and alone. That’s how I feel right now.