Still Nothing

Still no word about my dad’s PET scan. His appointment is on Thursday. I guess we’ll find out then unless my mom calls tomorrow. I think she wants to know, but doesn’t really want to know because she’s scared. She can’t go to his appointment with him either because she has work, and she knows what questions to ask. My dad usually doesn’t ask many questions, so that’s making her nervous, too. I’m sure she’ll call his doctor after his appointment, though.

Not Now

My depression medicines are working, and I feel mostly normal again, but I ran out, and I still feel a little too anxious to call the psychiatrist. I also wanna cancel the appointment with the super expensive weird counselor, but I feel too anxious for that, too. I’m just gonna do it, but like…not now lol.

Success Terminated.

Got prescribed Zoloft today…that’s cool and stuff…and got a prescription for Abilify and junk, but…the insurance won’t cover it. No way I can afford that stuff, so…kinda panicked a little over that…and cried. Oh yeah, AND I had to walk in the rain to get to the pharmacy and back. That was fun. The End.

Major Rambling Alert

Having another down day today. I talked to the counselor here, and…I’m pretty sure I felt worse afterwards. It wasn’t anything she said, but I just kind of thought she would help more or…it just made me think of all the things I’m depressed about at once, I guess. All I know is that after the appointment, I couldn’t stop crying…and I didn’t expect for it to be like that.

I tried reaching out to a classmate of mine, but he said that since he has to wake up early tomorrow he can’t talk…and it was like…6 PM. I mean, I’m sure he’s busy or whatever, but I don’t think that was the problem. I think he was just…uncomfortable maybe? I don’t know. I just…he said I could call him whenever I need to talk, so I did…and yeah, I guess I can’t actually call him whenever. So……..that made me feel even worse, and then I fell asleep for a little.

I’ve been so tired recently. I pretty much slept all day, and still could hardly force myself to wake up for the appointment today. I usually have trouble sleeping, but now it’s harder to stay awake. I’ve had a lot of pain today, too. And uh…had a bit of an “accident” which was super embarrassing. I have some nerve damage from the bowel resection surgery I got, and so…yeah, that happens sometimes.

I can’t eat any food right now, so it’s all IV nutrition. I’m ok with this, because eating is just complicated now, but I’m sure this won’t help with the weight issue…but I guess that’s the least of my worries today. But…I am kind of craving a “cutie” now…you know those little oranges that are super easy to peel and they’re small and adorable?

Source: http://www.nextnature.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/cutie-orange-530×352.jpg

Yeah, that.