Tag Archives: birthday

This Too Shall Pass

14 Aug

My brother’s 18th birthday is tomorrow, and he’s getting a tattoo. It’s gonna be of a lion and it will say “this too shall pass” in honour of his friend Sierra, who was killed as a result of traumatic brain injury from a car crash this year. His girlfriend has a tattoo that says the same thing, but not the lion. I think hers has a heart or something on it. It’s on her wrist. He wants his on his shoulder.

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August

1 Aug

Ok, August, here’s the deal. You and I have a lot going on. I have a day of doctor appointments on the 6th, I head back to Atlanta on the 10th, I start my clinical trial on the 11th, school on the 12th, my brother turns 18 on the 15th..my aunt and tkd instructor both have a bday this month. You’re gonna fly by and my head is gonna spin, so I would like us to go in on the same page. I would like to be prepared. Please bring me only good news, and please please just work with me!

Surprise Party

14 Jul

balloon bearThe people in my lab are just stellar. They threw me a surprise party for my birthday! I’ve never had a surprise party before, that was so sweet. They got me candy, a balloon, there was a cake, a card…it was great! I also got this teddy bear Pandora charm in the mail from a secret/not so secret admirer. Now I have 5 charms :). I’m officially 23 now. I’ve made it through this past year. It was a struggle, but I’m here. I also got a visit from my friend Kristi. She did my nails, they’re zebra print now, and she got me a bracelet and little zebra print footies. She tried to cook for me haha she wound up breaking 10 of my eggs, spilling half of the ice cream, and starting a small fire in my tiny kitchen! That was eventful, but luckily nothing too bad happened, so I can laugh about it. Yeah, for my birthday, she tried to set my apartment on fire. The pie still came out nicely, though. This is much better than being cooped up in a hospital, that’s all I have to say about that!

 

I Left.

12 Jul

Last night I went to the ER because I was in so much pain, I was vomiting blood, and I had a ridiculously high fever of 104. They were able to stop the bleeding, reduce the pain, and bring the fever down to 102, but the wanted to admit me. They put me on broad spectrum antibiotics until they figure out exactly what type of infection we’re dealing with here. But you know what I did? I left. I just…walked out. Enough of this crap. I wanted to go home. My friend, Kristi, is coming to visit me today and I wanted it to be a visit at my apartment, so I left. I’ll just take a bunch of Tylenol and hope my fever goes away, I guess, I mean what can you do? And I went to the pharmacy, I have antibiotics that were prescribed, I’ll take those. I want to be in my own bed, puh-lease! For at least a week, damn! Is that too much to ask? Seriously? It’s my birthday this weekend, can’t it please just be good, please?

I really thought I was a goner last night. I panicked. I get annoyed when people try to sell me on bull. I know miracles happen, I’ve been praying for one. But I also know that God created doctors and scientists who come up with medicines, and He made science, and these people are pretty smart. They may not always be right, but they’re right a lot. I hope for the best, but I also prepare for the worst so as not to be caught off guard. Few people will let me talk about it. They keep telling me I’ll be fine, but you know what? I’m not fine. I have a legitimate fear that I will die from this, and I feel like people are invalidating my feelings. Everyone acts like no that could never happen, not to me. I don’t want to die, but maybe I will, maybe I won’t. Hopefully I won’t, but there are two outcomes. I guess this is why I need a counselor. People say that we’re all going to die, and that I’ll die eventually, but I sure wasn’t planning to come this close in my 20s. There’s blood all over my bed. Last night was bad. I wish I knew what God’s bigger plan for me was. Everything is so uncertain right now. I don’t like this constant uncertainty.