Tag Archives: breast cancer

Blog — The Battle We Didn’t Choose

3 Nov

Blog — The Battle We Didn’t Choose.

 

My wife’s fight with breast cancer.

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My Date

3 Sep

My date didn’t go as planned. It was raining, so we couldn’t go to the zoo. I suggested the aquarium, but then he said he couldn’t stay very long. I also was not feeling very well, so we just relaxed and had some tea. I didn’t get to know too much more about him, and it feels like it didn’t last long enough. It may have felt that way regardless of how long it was, though. Overall, I think it was a success, though. I say this because he wants to try for either the zoo or aquarium again next Sunday. So that’s gotta be good news, right? It didn’t come up about the cancer, so I didn’t tell him, but it came up when I saw him at school today, so I told him. He didn’t seem like he wanted to run away, so that was good. He just told me that everything is going to be okay. I wish I could believe that, but I’ll let him believe that.

 I also met this other guy, and he came over the other day. I really like him. His mom is a breast cancer survivor, and me being sick doesn’t scare him away. That’s what I’m always most worried about. Time will tell whether that’s the case or not, but I’d like to think that it’s going to work out. He said he would like to come to chemo with me and my doctor’s appointments if I would let him. He’s really sweet and has been texting me really nice things.

My parents and my little brother visited this past weekend. I enjoyed their company. It was good to have them around. Especially my little brother. I didn’t think he was going to come, but I’m so glad that he did. We’re pretty much best friends.

Science Has Started!

5 Jun

Today I actually did some science research stuff! I was using the micropipettes just like I thought I would be, and I put proteins in with breast cancer cells, and tomorrow I will check them to see if they grow, die, or don’t do anything. Then I’ll check some more of them on Friday. Once that’s done, I’ll add some chemotherapy drugs to them and see if it works better at killing the cells with the proteins or without the proteins. They had me look up some articles and read them before next time, and I had to complete my lab journal entry. They were very patient with me and started from the beginning, so they didn’t expect me to know much. That was my worry. My hands shake, and he mentioned that, but I didn’t mess anything up because of it. I’m handling some pretty expensive cells and chemicals, so that’s one of my biggest worries.

In other news, I ate breakfast AND dinner today. I also took a nap. My stomach is a little upset with me, and the chest pain is a little worse, but that was my day today.

Research

2 Jun

I start my research tomorrow. It’s breast cancer research. I’m a little nervous for a few reasons:

  1. I don’t feel very well.
  2. I don’t know what to wear.
  3. I don’t know where the room is exactly.
  4. I don’t completely understand the abstract I read or the proposal I wrote. It’s a little over my head. I don’t remember all the techniques I learned in QBM in undergrad.
  5. I’m worried it’ll be boring.

I’m otherwise glad to have something to do with my time, because I’m bored not doing anything and being in my apartment alone. I miss people. I hope it isn’t boring or too difficult to understand. I mean…I like to think that I’m a reasonably intelligent person. I can figure this stuff out. Plus, the mentors have PhDs. Surely, they can’t expect me to understand things on their level! Right?

Guys! Hey Guys!

21 May

I got a 90% on my neurobio exam I took on Friday!! That means as long as I just pass today and Friday’s miniboards, I’ll get a B in OS3! YAY!!!

Let’s get this over with haha, summer!

I’ll be working in a breast cancer research lab everyday from 9:30 to 5 doing assays, but that’s besides the point lol

YAY!!!

Success!!

8 Apr

Today was the definition of a successful day.

  • Woke up, only cried once today for like 10 seconds max (that’s really good for me these days)
  • Got 100% on group Gross Anatomy quiz
  • Drank tea, studied, found out that I got into that Summer Research Program that I was rejected from earlier because 3 spots opened up!!!!! I’d already employed my backup plan and gotten into a breast cancer research lab, which should be publishing by the end of the summer. Sent out some emails, and it turns out that I can still work in that same lab, but through the Summer Research Program, so now I’m getting paid AND published this summer. Best of both worlds!! I called my mom and told her. She’s ecstatic!
  • Understood lecture (rare occurrence in this neuro pathways section)
  • Lunch: no nausea, cracked jokes
  • Lab: Followed along the entire time, finished early, went home
  • My fridge is fixed
  • I’m motivated to study, so I plan to do a little studying and a little cleaning. We’ll see how that goes!

Success Continued…

So I did clean and study! I didn’t completely finish either, but hey…it’s more than I’ve been doing, so whatever! I made myself something to eat for dinner and I took a shower, too. It seems like every single time I eat something, it gets kicked right back or my stomach just hates me for it. Besides that, today was a complete success. I took some Ambien, so I’m just sitting here ridin…except now there are ROACHES IN MY BED!! Sprayed them with Raid, they didn’t die, WTF!! Today was so good, and then roaches!! BOOO!!!! I’m going to Alex’s House.

“What a weary time those years were — to have the desire and the need to live but not the ability.”

2 Jan

I found out that my Aunt’s breast cancer came back, and I also found out that my friend’s little brother’s cancer came back in his shoulder. He has osteosarcoma. It’s like everywhere I look it’s freaking cancer, and it won’t leave me, or anyone else alone. Usually I can have a pretty good attitude about stuff like this, or at least an okay one, but seriously, this is becoming just too much. Sometimes I can pretend to be okay long enough to fool myself into thinking that it doesn’t really bother me, but that’s really not working anymore. I have a therapist and social worker and everything to talk to, but I feel like they’re just frustrating me now. They’re saying all the textbook things to say, but they’ve never had cancer. I mean I would never wish for them to or anything, but I feel like they don’t get it. And I know that I’m going to die, I know what stage IV metastatic RCC means…I see the people at the weekly infusions slowly stop coming, or the people that I talk to at support groups or at the infusion center die, and I just have to wonder when that will be me. I’m feeling really discouraged. Like what’s the point in even trying if I know what’s going to happen? I’m lonely here anyways. I just want all of this to be over. Like now.