Tag Archives: eating

Blah

19 Apr

I’m feeling the depression hard today. The not wanting to do anything at all. The random bouts of crying even when I’ve received the best news of life about my dad. The not eating anything. The feeling isolated and detached. All of it is hitting me hard today. I’m even talking super slowly and moving even slower. Now my eyes are all swollen from crying, and I just want a hug. Blah.

Major Rambling Alert

5 Feb
Having another down day today. I talked to the counselor here, and…I’m pretty sure I felt worse afterwards. It wasn’t anything she said, but I just kind of thought she would help more or…it just made me think of all the things I’m depressed about at once, I guess. All I know is that after the appointment, I couldn’t stop crying…and I didn’t expect for it to be like that.
I tried reaching out to a classmate of mine, but he said that since he has to wake up early tomorrow he can’t talk…and it was like…6 PM. I mean, I’m sure he’s busy or whatever, but I don’t think that was the problem. I think he was just…uncomfortable maybe? I don’t know. I just…he said I could call him whenever I need to talk, so I did…and yeah, I guess I can’t actually call him whenever. So……..that made me feel even worse, and then I fell asleep for a little.
I’ve been so tired recently. I pretty much slept all day, and still could hardly force myself to wake up for the appointment today. I usually have trouble sleeping, but now it’s harder to stay awake. I’ve had a lot of pain today, too. And uh…had a bit of an “accident” which was super embarrassing. I have some nerve damage from the bowel resection surgery I got, and so…yeah, that happens sometimes.
I can’t eat any food right now, so it’s all IV nutrition. I’m ok with this, because eating is just complicated now, but I’m sure this won’t help with the weight issue…but I guess that’s the least of my worries today. But…I am kind of craving a “cutie” now…you know those little oranges that are super easy to peel and they’re small and adorable?
Yeah, that.

Pop a Pill and Proceed

8 Dec

My dad was supposed to have met with several doctors by now to get more information. This hasn’t happened, as they have been rescheduling and shifting around his appointments, so my mom decided to go ahead and find him a new doctor. He has a PET scan scheduled for Tuesday, as well as an appointment with a radiation oncologist and/or a radiologist. We should know more then. He’s been eating a variety of things, and now he thinks he’s paying the price, because his throat has been really sore today. He’s back on just hot tea and soup. Otherwise, he’s feeling alright.

I was supposed to have one of my medicines covered by my health insurance. Without it being covered, I most certainly cannot afford it. Not even close! But now, they’re saying there’s something wrong and they aren’t covering it for whatever reason. So my mom is going all “mama tiger” and helping me deal with the constant calls I’m having to make to see what in the world is going on. This medication (as much as I hate it) is kind of super vital, so they need to get it together so that I can get it. A new research project that needs to be started is how to make chemotherapy drugs more affordable. Also, the amount of pain I’ve been in recently is really upsetting. Something needs to be done about this. Something.

There’s Always Hope!

4 Dec

So, My dad is doing better from his surgery! He’s off of the majority of his pain medications. He’s eating chicken breasts and crab legs. He just has to be sure to chew his food thoroughly before swallowing. This doesn’t surprise me, as this is the same man that ate Thanksgiving dinner the day after he had his wisdom teeth removed. He’s rock solid.

The official pathology report from his surgery was supposed to be back yesterday, which seemed a bit soon, seeing as his surgery ended Friday afternoon. It’s fine, though. I’m just anxious to know where he’s going from here. They said the report should be in between tomorrow and Friday. I’ll update as soon as I know.
He was talking to me about his fantasy football league. He’s bored from “taking it easy” so he’s going to run a few light errands today. This is all good!