Tag Archives: immune system

Excellent.

5 Jan

Aaaaand now I’m getting a respiratory tract infection. Excellent.

They said that one of my medications could cause myelosuppression (bone marrow sucking at it’s job of producing blood cells), and I thought, yeah yeah yeah long list of side effects, blah blah blah…but now I have one of the lamest immune systems I’ve ever had, and I have little purple spots. I’m getting Neupogen, blood products, procrit, antibiotics, etc. Sooooo frustrated…and I’m kind of scared, but mostly just because I’m feeling so alone right now. My dad had a PET scan yesterday. Didn’t get to talk to him to see how that went.

It’s hard to think of anything else at the moment…the nurses or whoever come in every 30 minutes to do or check one thing or another, and then things are beeping and whirring, and the pump will go all crazy when it empties, but I’m trying to “go to my happy place.” I’m feeling a full blown depression coming on…I mean…my hormones and blood levels of pretty much everything are all out of whack, so it could be that. I also no longer live close to any of my friends. Not a single one. So there’s that. You know…in addition to the whole cancer thing. I don’t know…I’m just being all whiny and complaining about everything, but right now I just feel like I need to.

I talked to some people about how I’ve been feeling…emotionally…and I think it just made me feel worse. And they’re supposed to be professionals. 😥  Everything is making me cry. Like…I’ll drop the spoon for my applesauce and burst into tears. Ahh get it together! I do like that I have this outlet to vent. It’s nice, and I like that I don’t always have to pretend to be all “brave” and “strong” and stuff like people keep telling me to be. I can just…say how I feel. Honestly, all those things that people think are encouraging, are really just…annoying. Sorry! I’m trying to have happy moments and live inside of them completely while they last, I just haven’t really had any these past few days.

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Early Morning Ouchies

6 Dec

I couldn’t fall asleep until about 2:30 am and then I woke up at 4:30 am with excruciating pain in my jaw. That’s a new one for me. It just won’t go away, and I can’t go to sleep! I’m exhausted and frustrated, and my pain meds aren’t exactly helping too much right now. Not like I want them to, at least. Now, I feel like I understand the babies that cry when they’re tired, but just won’t go to sleep. Also, I don’t even know if this is a symptom of anything. I don’t know if this is something I should be concerned about, or if this is just another random side effect of one of the lovely medications I’m on. Oh, joy -__-. It could even be a non-related thing, who knows? I am going to call and ask, it’s just annoying that I can’t even tell anymore. They all kind of blend together into an indistinguishable blur of crappiness.

In addition, I just got home. This is good. I was planning to stay here. That’s still the plan. However, I seem to be developing a cold or something of the sort, because that’s just how I roll. You know, living on the edge! I’m hoping it stays as a small, normal, manageable cold that I stay home for, blow my nose, get in a few good sneezes, etc. You know…healthy people colds. That’s not how my body tends to react to colds or infections of any sort anymore, but it’s always finding new ways to surprise me, so I hope it can surprise me this time by behaving itself. Go, little immune system, go! I believe in you. =)

I talked to my dad, and he cheered me up! He was talking about the fantasy football league that he and some of the neighbors are in. Sadly, he didn’t make the playoffs this year, but he did win his last game…or something haha. He was bored because he doesn’t like to sit still for too long, so he went to get his watch fixed, and even looked at some new jobs. I was under the impression that he wouldn’t be working right now, but I guess he’s trying to fit in some smaller jobs until he starts treatment. Stave off the boredom until then, I suppose.

That’s all really.