School was rough today. It was so long, and I was super exhausted. I don’t think I could have stayed another minute. I was so nauseous, too. And I have a killer headache. But I did correctly diagnose a 4 year old girl (in a clinical vignette) with a purulent bacterial meningitis manifesting in her subarachnoid space with a high concentration of neutrophils (hence the purulence) and with phlebitis due to the meningitis. It was secondary to chronic otitis media. Maybe I can actually do this whole doctor thing! I’m getting pretty good at it 🙂 So that made me excited, because I did get pimped on the question and I got every single thing right! Which is very rare in this class. Gah Pathology!
Someone Wrote This About Me
25 AugI know a 23 year old girl who has been declared disabled. She has had several types of cancer. She is weak and always sick. She coughs up blood. She is thin and can not eat solid foods. She visits the ER at least every 3 days to get blood and fluids and meds and nutrition to keep her alive. She has every right to give up on life. She is in pain all the time. She has been like this for over a year now. The doctors told her she has a less than 10% chance of surviving what she has.…
Do you know what she did last week? She started her next year in medical school. After her first day of school, she ended up in the ER to get blood. She then went home and started reading a required text that will likely take her most of the year to read. After the third day of school, she had to call an ambulance to go to the ER. She was coughing up blood and choking on it. She had procedures and then went back home late that night. She managed to get to school the next day. She still drives herself. She wants to be a doctor, and she is not giving up on that dream. She thinks everyday that this may be her last day. She is scared. She is in great pain. But, she is not giving up.Â
It’s strange to think that I inspire people. It’s a weird feeling because I don’t know that I’m doing it. All I try to do is get through each day. When people tell me that they feel inspired by me or that I’m so strong, I usually end up feeling awkward. But somehow, this struck me. It showed me how by doing what I do, it can actually mean something. That motivates me to keep going even when it seems impossible. Thank you for believing in me. I will try not to let you down.
New News
20 AugI’m having a lot of bone pain in my pelvis and hips today and getting these weird sharp headaches that last for like 5 seconds on the left side of my head. My right eardrum was like…vibrating, too, and it was very uncomfortable. I had a little bit of tea and a cracker today, so that’s a lot of progress! I didn’t even throw it up. Maybe tomorrow, a piece of toast, who knows? I’m feeling so exhausted, I can hardly function. And my mom called me at like 10:30 last night when I was just…about…to fall…to sleep. Darnit! I usually go to sleep later, though, so she didn’t know. I called the hospital about my bill to ask for a student application for charity form. I can apply for them to forgive my bill. If that doesn’t work, then I can be on the sliding scale since I have no income, and only have to pay like 35% of the bill or something. I got tutored in pharmacology today, and it went really well. Since some of my classmates are tutors, they get paid for helping me study, and it’s free for me. So that means it’s a win-win for both of us! I got into a study group to do practice questions later on this week, too. I got some of my textbooks I ordered in the mail, too, so I got excited in the nerdiest of ways.
There was a shooting at an elementary school here in Atlanta. With an AK-47. Why can people even get those? What are they using them for? I don’t understand why anyone would shoot up a school, but especially an elementary school. It was a grown man, too…not a kid who brought their parents gun to school to like show their friends or something. There are some truly sick people out there. He told them to call some TV station. Did he do this just to get on TV? He’s been arrested now. Anyways, rant over. I’m gonna finish watching So You Think You Can Dance.
It Just Got Real
13 AugWe had so much information today, my head is spinning. I feel so totally overwhelmed, but one of my classmates helped me learned the first little bit of the pharmacology lecture, and now I feel much better about it. The professor’s sentences on his slides are just so cryptic I feel like I’m spending the whole time trying to decode what he means. And in pathology, the book is so long winded it nearly puts me to sleep! Just make your point and move on…but it’s Robbins…a classic, so I can’t dis Robbins. The pathology gods would smite me. In FoM2 (Fundamentals of Medicine 2) AKA The Class Where We Actually Touch Patients, the professor went over the entire year with us…maybe just to overwhelm us. But, it sounds fun, we’ll get to do H&Ps on each other (History and Physicals) and then we’ll do it on professional patient actors, and then onto real patients at the hospital! The part that’s freaking me out is that we’ll actually do GYN/prostate/testicular/pelvic/rectal/etc exams on…real live people. NOT our classmates or anything, but that’s gonna be quite the experience. However, we’ll start with histories, looking in the eyes, nose, ears, throat, etc. Much more mild and less…invasive of people’s personal space. I kinda got sick at school today and threw up. No bueno, but I made it to the bathroom, so it was ok. Now I’m exhausted, but I have more of Robbins to read, so I’m gonna do that.
First Day of School
12 AugSo my first day back went pretty well. It was just orientation, so nothing difficult. It was SO tiring, though. I could sleep a thousand sleeps right now. Imagine when the lectures actually start…as in tomorrow! I have a fever and a headache, though. We got the lecture packets for the next 2 days for if we wanted to be gunners and pre-read. So…pew pew! I registered again with the office of student disabilities. I got my home health aide back, because I’ll need her in the evenings and on weekends because I’ll be tired and because of chemo and stuff. It’s kinda kicking my butt a little. It’s rougher than I thought it would be. I still haven’t figured out a way to get nutrition either. I got a waiver for my Hep B shot, since I can’t have shots like that right now. I called the company that mails me some of my medications, and apparently, my doctor never sent in one of my scripts yet, so I’ll have to call her tomorrow. It’s storming really hard right now. It stormed hard while we were in class, too, and knocked the power out for a second. I’m a little nervous about this school year. Looking at the packets and the books, it’s going to be really hard. They said so, too. I don’t know if I can really do this or if I was just kidding myself. I mean I know I could if I was healthy, but…I’m not. I’ll try my best, though. I’m in too deep to quit now!
So Here’s What I Did…
10 AugI hightailed it over to ATL where the trial is so that I can stop sitting around here feeling sorry for myself. Moping is against medical advice. I can actually DO something about my health now. I know I’m technically not really exactly supposed to be driving, but what’s the worst that can happen, right? I made it here safely. Plus, school starts Monday, and I HAD to be here for that. I hate missing school, and it gives me something to think about instead of sitting around having a pity party. My parents didn’t know I left until I got here. They were PISSED, OMG! But since I made it safely and I’m 8 hours away, there’s not much they can really do about it now besides yell at me over the phone. I can handle that. They’ll get over it…I hope. So now…I start the clinical trial tomorrow, and this is the best way it’ll match up with my school schedule, so I shouldn’t have to miss much school. I’ll be on Sunitinib (Sutent™) and Gemcitabine (Gemzar™) together…we’ll see how this goes.
Giving it a Go
1 AugI was so scared to tell my parents about my depression and now I wish I would have told them sooner. I don’t know exactly what I was scared of. They’re my parents, they love me. They have been nothing but supportive. I felt like I had to keep it inside so that nobody would think that I can’t handle medical school, because I can. I don’t want to quit school or anything. I was afraid people would make me take a leave from being sick and depressed and thinking I wasn’t capable of finishing out the year. But I did finish, and with pretty good grades. 2 A’s, 3 B’s and a C. I think that’s pretty darn good given the circumstances. Now that 2nd year is about to start, people are starting to doubt my ability to power through again. I’m kind of doubting it, too, but only slightly. I’m still going to give it one hell of a go and pray for the best. I won’t let anything stop me, I’ve wanted this for too long.
Guys! Hey Guys!
21 MayI got a 90% on my neurobio exam I took on Friday!! That means as long as I just pass today and Friday’s miniboards, I’ll get a B in OS3! YAY!!!
Let’s get this over with haha, summer!
I’ll be working in a breast cancer research lab everyday from 9:30 to 5 doing assays, but that’s besides the point lol
YAY!!!