Tag Archives: medicine

It Just Got Real

13 Aug

We had so much information today, my head is spinning. I feel so totally overwhelmed, but one of my classmates helped me learned the first little bit of the pharmacology lecture, and now I feel much better about it. The professor’s sentences on his slides are just so cryptic I feel like I’m spending the whole time trying to decode what he means. And in pathology, the book is so long winded it nearly puts me to sleep! Just make your point and move on…but it’s Robbins…a classic, so I can’t dis Robbins. The pathology gods would smite me. In FoM2 (Fundamentals of Medicine 2AKA The Class Where We Actually Touch Patients, the professor went over the entire year with us…maybe just to overwhelm us. But, it sounds fun, we’ll get to do H&Ps on each other (History and Physicals) and then we’ll do it on professional patient actors, and then onto real patients at the hospital! The part that’s freaking me out is that we’ll actually do GYN/prostate/testicular/pelvic/rectal/etc exams on…real live peopleNOT our classmates or anything, but that’s gonna be quite the experience. However, we’ll start with histories, looking in the eyes, nose, ears, throat, etc. Much more mild and less…invasive of people’s personal space. I kinda got sick at school today and threw up. No bueno, but I made it to the bathroom, so it was ok. Now I’m exhausted, but I have more of Robbins to read, so I’m gonna do that.

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First Day of School

12 Aug

So my first day back went pretty well. It was just orientation, so nothing difficult. It was SO tiring, though. I could sleep a thousand sleeps right now. Imagine when the lectures actually start…as in tomorrow! I have a fever and a headache, though. We got the lecture packets for the next 2 days for if we wanted to be gunners and pre-read. So…pew pew! I registered again with the office of student disabilities. I got my home health aide back, because I’ll need her in the evenings and on weekends because I’ll be tired and because of chemo and stuff. It’s kinda kicking my butt a little. It’s rougher than I thought it would be. I still haven’t figured out a way to get nutrition either. I got a waiver for my Hep B shot, since I can’t have shots like that right now. I called the company that mails me some of my medications, and apparently, my doctor never sent in one of my scripts yet, so I’ll have to call her tomorrow. It’s storming really hard right now. It stormed hard while we were in class, too, and knocked the power out for a second. I’m a little nervous about this school year. Looking at the packets and the books, it’s going to be really hard. They said so, too. I don’t know if I can really do this or if I was just kidding myself. I mean I know I could if I was healthy, but…I’m not. I’ll try my best, though. I’m in too deep to quit now!

So Here’s What I Did…

10 Aug

I hightailed it over to ATL where the trial is so that I can stop sitting around here feeling sorry for myself. Moping is against medical advice. I can actually DO something about my health now. I know I’m technically not really exactly supposed to be driving, but what’s the worst that can happen, right? I made it here safely. Plus, school starts Monday, and I HAD to be here for that. I hate missing school, and it gives me something to think about instead of sitting around having a pity party. My parents didn’t know I left until I got here. They were PISSED, OMG! But since I made it safely and I’m 8 hours away, there’s not much they can really do about it now besides yell at me over the phone. I can handle that. They’ll get over it…I hope. So now…I start the clinical trial tomorrow, and this is the best way it’ll match up with my school schedule, so I shouldn’t have to miss much school. I’ll be on Sunitinib (Sutent™) and Gemcitabine (Gemzar™) together…we’ll see how this goes.

I Feel So Sick

2 Aug

Last night I vomited all over myself and shat the bed and then couldn’t get up to clean it myself and I had to call my mom for help and I felt super embarrassed and helpless. It sucked and I just felt gross. I feel all flu-ish today and I really don’t see myself getting out of bed today for any reason.

Giving it a Go

1 Aug

I was so scared to tell my parents about my depression and now I wish I would have told them sooner. I don’t know exactly what I was scared of. They’re my parents, they love me. They have been nothing but supportive. I felt like I had to keep it inside so that nobody would think that I can’t handle medical school, because I can. I don’t want to quit school or anything. I was afraid people would make me take a leave from being sick and depressed and thinking I wasn’t capable of finishing out the year. But I did finish, and with pretty good grades. 2 A’s, 3 B’s and a C. I think that’s pretty darn good given the circumstances. Now that 2nd year is about to start, people are starting to doubt my ability to power through again. I’m kind of doubting it, too, but only slightly. I’m still going to give it one hell of a go and pray for the best. I won’t let anything stop me, I’ve wanted this for too long.

Prayers, please!

19 Jul

Ok, a friend of mine needs prayers. I don’t usually do this, but please pray for her & her baby. She’s pregnant and has been in the hospital for severe nausea and vomiting. I just got a call from her mom that they can’t hear her baby’s heartbeat. Her mom is going to keep me updated on what’s going on, but I just wanted to ask you guys to keep her in your prayers, please. Thank you so much!

I Definitely Overdid It

15 Jul

The stomach pain is worse now than before, and my fever got so ridiculously high that I was delirious and needed to go to the hospital, but couldn’t quite call, as I forgot the number for 9-1-1 >_<. I did manage to call someone who called for me. I was seeing things, but I really don’t remember it, and I guess I passed out. I don’t remember getting to the hospital, but I woke up in the hospital covered in ice packs and freezing my little patootie off. Even the saline was cold. I still don’t know what is causing this fever, but it needs to cut it out.

I Left.

12 Jul

Last night I went to the ER because I was in so much pain, I was vomiting blood, and I had a ridiculously high fever of 104. They were able to stop the bleeding, reduce the pain, and bring the fever down to 102, but the wanted to admit me. They put me on broad spectrum antibiotics until they figure out exactly what type of infection we’re dealing with here. But you know what I did? I left. I just…walked out. Enough of this crap. I wanted to go home. My friend, Kristi, is coming to visit me today and I wanted it to be a visit at my apartment, so I left. I’ll just take a bunch of Tylenol and hope my fever goes away, I guess, I mean what can you do? And I went to the pharmacy, I have antibiotics that were prescribed, I’ll take those. I want to be in my own bed, puh-lease! For at least a week, damn! Is that too much to ask? Seriously? It’s my birthday this weekend, can’t it please just be good, please?

I really thought I was a goner last night. I panicked. I get annoyed when people try to sell me on bull. I know miracles happen, I’ve been praying for one. But I also know that God created doctors and scientists who come up with medicines, and He made science, and these people are pretty smart. They may not always be right, but they’re right a lot. I hope for the best, but I also prepare for the worst so as not to be caught off guard. Few people will let me talk about it. They keep telling me I’ll be fine, but you know what? I’m not fine. I have a legitimate fear that I will die from this, and I feel like people are invalidating my feelings. Everyone acts like no that could never happen, not to me. I don’t want to die, but maybe I will, maybe I won’t. Hopefully I won’t, but there are two outcomes. I guess this is why I need a counselor. People say that we’re all going to die, and that I’ll die eventually, but I sure wasn’t planning to come this close in my 20s. There’s blood all over my bed. Last night was bad. I wish I knew what God’s bigger plan for me was. Everything is so uncertain right now. I don’t like this constant uncertainty.

Home Health Aide

10 Jul

I met my home health aide today. She’s going to come twice a week for now. She’ll do things like vitals and blood draws, helping me with personal hygiene stuff, maintaining my mobility and independence as much as possible with some exercises and stuff, pain management (super important), medication management, taking me to appointments, helping with food/nutritional needs, changing my bed sheets if I need her to…that one was a surprise, and keeping up with my medical record stuff so she can keep in contact with my onc. She seems really nice and I feel like I’ll enjoy spending time with her. Through the same program, they’re also offering me some other services like pastoral services, a physical therapist, their own social worker and patient advocate, a counselor, which I’ve been in need of even though I was turned off from the idea. I hope the counselor is good and that I click with them. I also hope they don’t try to give me any diagnosis of a problem that I don’t have like the last one who said she thought I had OCD. I swear I don’t…having some perfectionist tendencies does not make me have OCD. They offer some other stuff, too, but it was a lot to take in at once. Some other stuff is like bereavement and blah blah blah, but…yeah. I think I’ll benefit a lot from this extra help. It should hopefully keep me out of the hospital so often, goodness gracious! Ugh. And I think it will give my family some peace of mind knowing that there’s someone here to specifically help me.

Clinical Trial

9 Jul

I talked to my onc today. Good news, I’ve been discharged! I’m also getting a home health aid through Hospice. My onc is working on a clinical trial that applies to me and that I qualify for…and it’s enrolling now, and I decided to go ahead and let him enroll me in it. My mom would really appreciate it. It’s in phase II. They’re trying Sunitinib in combination with Gemcitabine, which means I’ll be back to getting chemo through an IV and not just oral chemo, though Sunitinib is an oral one. I’m not quite sure how I feel about this, but I figure I have nothing to lose, right? Well, nothing but potentially quality of life. But quality schmality (sarcasm). It’s good, because there’s usually something that excludes me from clinical trials, but this one seems to be a little broader, so I qualify for this one. The trial is at the hospital that’s a little further, but it’s only a 10 to 15 minute drive away as opposed to the one I usually go to, which is 4 blocks away. It’ll be worth it, though. At least there’s something new to be hopeful about.