Tag Archives: nurses

The Human Pincushion

14 Feb

My port was ocupado, so they had to start an IV…I’m a hard stick usually. After vomiting and “bowel prep”? Try impossible! They had about 4 nurses in there trying so hard to just get anything in there. Anything! Eventually they got this nurse from a different floor who is apparently an arm guru (not literally), and she strolled in smelling like juicy fruit and just slid the darn needle in there like it was nothing. She coulda had her eyes closed and done it. Why did they take so long to get her!?!??

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Excellent.

5 Jan

Aaaaand now I’m getting a respiratory tract infection. Excellent.

They said that one of my medications could cause myelosuppression (bone marrow sucking at it’s job of producing blood cells), and I thought, yeah yeah yeah long list of side effects, blah blah blah…but now I have one of the lamest immune systems I’ve ever had, and I have little purple spots. I’m getting Neupogen, blood products, procrit, antibiotics, etc. Sooooo frustrated…and I’m kind of scared, but mostly just because I’m feeling so alone right now. My dad had a PET scan yesterday. Didn’t get to talk to him to see how that went.

It’s hard to think of anything else at the moment…the nurses or whoever come in every 30 minutes to do or check one thing or another, and then things are beeping and whirring, and the pump will go all crazy when it empties, but I’m trying to “go to my happy place.” I’m feeling a full blown depression coming on…I mean…my hormones and blood levels of pretty much everything are all out of whack, so it could be that. I also no longer live close to any of my friends. Not a single one. So there’s that. You know…in addition to the whole cancer thing. I don’t know…I’m just being all whiny and complaining about everything, but right now I just feel like I need to.

I talked to some people about how I’ve been feeling…emotionally…and I think it just made me feel worse. And they’re supposed to be professionals. 😥  Everything is making me cry. Like…I’ll drop the spoon for my applesauce and burst into tears. Ahh get it together! I do like that I have this outlet to vent. It’s nice, and I like that I don’t always have to pretend to be all “brave” and “strong” and stuff like people keep telling me to be. I can just…say how I feel. Honestly, all those things that people think are encouraging, are really just…annoying. Sorry! I’m trying to have happy moments and live inside of them completely while they last, I just haven’t really had any these past few days.

Hospitalized for Christmas, But it’s Okay.

25 Dec
The nurses gave me some hats (stereotypical cancer patient gift), and they also did a little parade, it was cute! My dad had my cat call me on the phone, and he meowed lol. That was cute, as well. My mom brought me some juice she made, and it was really good! For Christmas, I also got a watch, more hats, and some sweaters, and I got my IV pole decorated like a Christmas tree haha…
My dad and I are going to watch a DVD later. I kind of want to watch The Sound of Music. I feel like singing.
Since I have the PEG tube now, I can just use that and pretend I’m eating whatever I want…like unicorn! …that was probably the fentanyl speaking, but whatever, it’s Christmas. Hugs 🙂
Merry Christmas, everyone!