Tag Archives: rain

Rainy Day

19 May

This is one of those times where I wish it was later so I could just go to sleep and have the day be over with. It’s still bright outside, so I feel like I can’t go to sleep just yet, but I have no interest in anything else. And it’s raining to top it all off. Today is not a good day.

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Boring

28 Apr

I feel so boring today. I haven’t done anything. I wanna do something so I can say I was productive, but every time I try to do anything I get exhausted or bored with it all the sudden. Then I give up on it. I wanted to leave my apartment to do something, but it’s pouring rain like crazy. Maybe that’s why I don’t want to do anything, or maybe that’s my excuse. Traffic gets stupid when it rains. I feel like I’m stuck in a bubble of depression today.

Good News!!

19 Apr

Ok, today seemed like a complete failure at first. I talked to my friend at school. I was getting there and it wasn’t raining. As soon as I stepped outside, BAM rained all over me. Poured rain. I was soaked and cold. They keep it freezing in that building, too. But when I got inside, my dad texted me that he just wanted to tell me he loves me <3.

Anyways, she gave me the advice of picking a scripture a week to go by that applies and really speaks to me that week. This week, I’ll go with that declaration I posted. Next week, I’ll go with a scripture. She also told me to pick one goal for each week and just focus on that one thing. This week, I’m going to try not to be irritable with my friends. I’ve been doing that, and I don’t want to. That’s not me. So, I’m going to consciously make an effort not to do that. We talked for about an hour and a half. She has anxiety, too, and was telling me how she copes with everything, that I’m not alone, and that more people deal with these kinds of things than I know. She said she was glad I talked to her and to talk to her anytime. That helped a lot. Plus I got the grade back for my exam that I took yesterday. I passed! I got a 74!! Not too shabby.

Also, my dad gave me good news! I talked to my daddy just now, and he said that his doctor said it looks like everything is gone!! Woohoo!!!! He had an MRI and it showed that he was all clear, and in 6 weeks, he’ll get a PET scan. YAY!!!!! Best news I’ve heard in a very long time. Maybe ever. Yeah…ever.

So in conclusion, today is not a failure. I may still be crying today. I may still feel lonely. I may still be in physical pain. But today is also good.

Success Terminated.

11 Apr

Got prescribed Zoloft today…that’s cool and stuff…and got a prescription for Abilify and junk, but…the insurance won’t cover it. No way I can afford that stuff, so…kinda panicked a little over that…and cried. Oh yeah, AND I had to walk in the rain to get to the pharmacy and back. That was fun. The End.

Crap.

25 Nov

So apparently I have new mets to my bones and my lung. Freaking excellent. I’m 22, I haven’t even done adult stuff yet. I’m not giving up or anything, but dammit! Why? I’m really scared. And, Oh.My.God.The.Pain! I just want this to hurry up and be over, whatever over is going to mean for me. Please! Today is just not a good day.

I’m so nauseous, I don’t even know what to do with myself. I can’t even make half of an effort to look at anything remotely edible today. These anti-nausea medicines are just not doing the job today…and they tend to be okay. Plus I’ve been coughing up some blood today, which scared the bejeezus out of me. And now these other doctors are talking about stuff like surgeries and palliative radiation for the bone mets…thalidomide in combination with other therapies, I don’t even know. Because apparently, we have to be more aggressive. We haven’t been aggressive enough. This thing is aggressive. He loves the word aggressive! 😡 GAHHHH But whatever they think is going to work, I’m willing to try, I suppose. I just fee like they’ve run out of options, and I don’t want that to happen. That scares me a lot.

Another thing is that everyday there just seems to be more bad news. When it rains, it pours. It really just doesn’t end, does it? I’m not even asking for a good day. I’m just asking for a day when nothing happens. A day when I just wake up, read, and go to sleep. Or how about days where I just sleep all day and do nothing, think about nothing, and worry about nothing? But that’s way too much to ask for. -____-

But what can you do? There’s literally nothing to do except keep pushing forward, because I’m not a quitter. Blah. I’d like to think that things happen for a reason. Please let there be a reason for all of this. A good reason. Cue obligatory once a day smile 🙂 and…NGUNS! Ok, I got this. I do.

Aside 3 Jul

Rain + no umbrella = …

That awkward moment when your walk home turns into a wet T-shirt contest.