Tag Archives: tired

Hi

19 Sep

Sorry for my absence. I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed, and I’ve been extremely tired. I’ve had a really hard time getting out of my bed, and I’ve missed my last 2 chemo appointments due to low blood counts that won’t seem to stay up anymore. I have had my exam week for school, and am not sure how much longer I can continue doing this. It’s been rough. I’ve spent much more time asleep than awake, and I’m strongly considering moving back home as I don’t think I can handle school anymore. This has made me pretty deeply depressed, and I’ve kind of withdrawn from talking to people a little bit. I’m really not sure how much more I can take, and I just want this all to be over.

Fatigue

27 Jun

This fatigue is whooping my butt like seriously. I’m so tired I can hardly function. For the research, all I’m trying to do is just sit and analyze data, but I can’t even power my way through that. It’s literally just Excel. Just getting myself to the bathroom makes me wanna lie down for a week, it’s awful! Hopefully this passes soon.

Tired

18 Jun

Is this the fatigue they warned me about, the Ambien not wearing off as fast, or am I just more tired than usual? Not really sure. Either way, I’m incredibly tired. It was a huge effort to hurl myself out of the bed and into the shower this morning. I almost passed out in the shower, so I had to sit down.I hate my naked skin touching the shower, so this was a big deal to me. It was hard to breathe, and I was shaking. If the shower wasn’t on, I probably would have been sweating. Then, I threw up right there in the shower. Gross. I wish I could just curl up in my bed and forget everything ever at least just for one day. I also wish I wasn’t so cold right now. Why is it so cold in here?

SRS Started

17 Jun

I started SRS today. It wasn’t too bad, and I even got to listen to music. I’m just pretty tired now. I had a lot of pain last night, and I’m backed up liked nobody’s business, and I’ve tried pretty much everything.

Nervous

27 Apr

It’s hard to breathe in general recently…even with the littlest bit of exertion. I feel super weak all the time, even writing can be tiring sometimes. I’m scared. I went to a school function last night, so today I’m extra wiped. I just felt nervous all day for some strange reason. Like waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Klutz?

25 Apr

I had to go back to the hospital because I was unable to breathe, but my breathing is better now. In addition to the pneumonia that I’m recovering from, the nodules in my lungs have grown, so it made for a very difficult time breathing.

In addition to that, because of the mass in my brain, I had some difficulty with coordination recently, and I fell and hit my head, which required a few stitches in my head. I’ve also been shaking a lot, and I’m not quite sure why, but my EEG was not completely normal. I’m not sure if this is a side effect of medications or because of the mass. It’s not constant, but when it happens it’s highly obnoxious.

Other than that and a headache, I’m doing better. Just very, very tired.

Sick Today

20 Apr

I’m feeling really sick today. I’m cold to the bone, I can’t stop shaking, and I’m really dizzy. I feel very weak and nauseous, my whole body hurts, I’m running a fever, and I feel like if I stand up, I just may faint. I had blood drawn today, but they still haven’t called me about it. I’ve been so tired, too. I can’t get anything done today, but I was able to take a good nap, and I needed that. I also had some tea to warm up, but I still feel so so cold, and that’s with 5 sweaters, 3 pairs of socks, fuzzy pants and tights, and a space heater on. GAH I just wanna feel better, I have a miniboard exam to study for. When I get out of school next month, I will have been in school for 11 months straight. That’s why I’m so burnt out on studying.

Major Rambling Alert

5 Feb
Having another down day today. I talked to the counselor here, and…I’m pretty sure I felt worse afterwards. It wasn’t anything she said, but I just kind of thought she would help more or…it just made me think of all the things I’m depressed about at once, I guess. All I know is that after the appointment, I couldn’t stop crying…and I didn’t expect for it to be like that.
I tried reaching out to a classmate of mine, but he said that since he has to wake up early tomorrow he can’t talk…and it was like…6 PM. I mean, I’m sure he’s busy or whatever, but I don’t think that was the problem. I think he was just…uncomfortable maybe? I don’t know. I just…he said I could call him whenever I need to talk, so I did…and yeah, I guess I can’t actually call him whenever. So……..that made me feel even worse, and then I fell asleep for a little.
I’ve been so tired recently. I pretty much slept all day, and still could hardly force myself to wake up for the appointment today. I usually have trouble sleeping, but now it’s harder to stay awake. I’ve had a lot of pain today, too. And uh…had a bit of an “accident” which was super embarrassing. I have some nerve damage from the bowel resection surgery I got, and so…yeah, that happens sometimes.
I can’t eat any food right now, so it’s all IV nutrition. I’m ok with this, because eating is just complicated now, but I’m sure this won’t help with the weight issue…but I guess that’s the least of my worries today. But…I am kind of craving a “cutie” now…you know those little oranges that are super easy to peel and they’re small and adorable?
Yeah, that.

Early Morning Ouchies

6 Dec

I couldn’t fall asleep until about 2:30 am and then I woke up at 4:30 am with excruciating pain in my jaw. That’s a new one for me. It just won’t go away, and I can’t go to sleep! I’m exhausted and frustrated, and my pain meds aren’t exactly helping too much right now. Not like I want them to, at least. Now, I feel like I understand the babies that cry when they’re tired, but just won’t go to sleep. Also, I don’t even know if this is a symptom of anything. I don’t know if this is something I should be concerned about, or if this is just another random side effect of one of the lovely medications I’m on. Oh, joy -__-. It could even be a non-related thing, who knows? I am going to call and ask, it’s just annoying that I can’t even tell anymore. They all kind of blend together into an indistinguishable blur of crappiness.

In addition, I just got home. This is good. I was planning to stay here. That’s still the plan. However, I seem to be developing a cold or something of the sort, because that’s just how I roll. You know, living on the edge! I’m hoping it stays as a small, normal, manageable cold that I stay home for, blow my nose, get in a few good sneezes, etc. You know…healthy people colds. That’s not how my body tends to react to colds or infections of any sort anymore, but it’s always finding new ways to surprise me, so I hope it can surprise me this time by behaving itself. Go, little immune system, go! I believe in you. =)

I talked to my dad, and he cheered me up! He was talking about the fantasy football league that he and some of the neighbors are in. Sadly, he didn’t make the playoffs this year, but he did win his last game…or something haha. He was bored because he doesn’t like to sit still for too long, so he went to get his watch fixed, and even looked at some new jobs. I was under the impression that he wouldn’t be working right now, but I guess he’s trying to fit in some smaller jobs until he starts treatment. Stave off the boredom until then, I suppose.

That’s all really.

Oh, don’t mind me. Just venting.

27 Nov

Anemic, low WBC count, fever, neuropathy, blood transfusion, bone pain…today is just faaaaantastic! NOT -______- I wanna go home now.

I am sooooooo sore and tired like ALL the time, and it really makes it hard to get anything done. I’m too tired to even go vomit in the bathroom, but I hate having buckets in my room, it’s gross…but it’s one or the other. Everything tastes/feels like sand in my mouth. I kind of wish food weren’t necessary for survival.

I hate feeling this unproductive. Especially when there’s SO MUCH to be done!

BUT…I DO have to say THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH to my amazing classmates. You guys are so awesome, and I don’t know what I would do without you all.