Tag Archives: vomit

Stupid Cancer!

28 Aug

The other day I passed out in the shower and got a concussion. That’s just what I needed in addition to the shingles and bleeding and…well…cancer. A concussion. It’s like the little cherry on top! It’s actually more like a ‘kick me when I’m down’ kind of moment. But I like the cherry on top idea better. It works, too, because I don’t like those little red cherries. Anyways, I’m back at school, so it’s ok, I’m ok. I just have a massive headache and it’s kinda hard to concentrate, but we’re learning about cancer in class right now, so it’s not like that’s something I have no idea about. Ugh. I’m like the class ‘resident cancer expert’ so everyone is asking me for help with the carcinogenesis and neoplasms chapters. At least this cancer is useful for something.

I’m not producing enough of my own red blood cells, so I’m getting pretty anemic. It’s a problem with both myelosuppression and lack of EPO because of decreased kidney function. That’s most likely why I passed out. I threw up basically all day yesterday, so I didn’t even try to eat or even use the PEG tube. Or as Randi so affectionately called hers, “Peggy.” I am having a cup of tea right now, but I can tell that it’s not going to stay down. I’m already getting those waves of heat all over with the chills and cold sweats that I usually get when I’m going to throw up. My apartment is kind of a mess. I haven’t been putting my clothes away when I take them off..just haven’t really had the energy to do it, so there are clothes scattered about, and my parents are going to come visit me and my mom will NOT appreciate the condition my apartment is in. She’s the kind of person that before she comes over, I need to vacuum, dust, polish, and scrub everything or she’ll have to make some kind of comment. But then she usually winds up cleaning it. My clean and her clean are two completely different things. I don’t think I could ever clean up to her standards. I don’t know what she sees when she looks at things. But I don’t have the energy for all of that. I’ll just pick up my clothes and call it a day, and she’ll complain, and I’ll be like, ‘I was too tired’ and she’ll understand and clean for me. >_<

There’s this guy at school that likes me. He’s a first year, but he’s a year older than me. He wants to take me to dinner sometime. I haven’t told him that eating isn’t really a thing that’s high on my list, but…I suggested something else like the aquarium. I have a year pass, so i might as well use it as many times as I can before the year ends. Or maybe the art museum would be cool. I don’t know what he’s into, but I think he’d like just going anywhere with me. He’s lived in this city for years now, and I’ve lived here for a year. I haven’t gotten out much to explore the city, so he wants to take me to a few places to see some random things around here. Sounds cool to me. Oh, and he’s from Sudan and he has family there and in Egypt. It’s pretty cool. He also speaks 3 languages: Arabic, English, and some nubian language that I forgot the name of. English was his 3rd language, he learned it when he was about 12. It just feels nice to have some human connection and interaction like that in person again. I miss that. 🙂 He doesn’t know about all the health stuff and I don’t really wanna tell him and run him off, but it was kinda obvious I guess, and he didn’t seem to mind, but he doesn’t know any details or anything. Gah! Stupid cancer.

I Feel So Sick

2 Aug

Last night I vomited all over myself and shat the bed and then couldn’t get up to clean it myself and I had to call my mom for help and I felt super embarrassed and helpless. It sucked and I just felt gross. I feel all flu-ish today and I really don’t see myself getting out of bed today for any reason.

Tired

18 Jun

Is this the fatigue they warned me about, the Ambien not wearing off as fast, or am I just more tired than usual? Not really sure. Either way, I’m incredibly tired. It was a huge effort to hurl myself out of the bed and into the shower this morning. I almost passed out in the shower, so I had to sit down.I hate my naked skin touching the shower, so this was a big deal to me. It was hard to breathe, and I was shaking. If the shower wasn’t on, I probably would have been sweating. Then, I threw up right there in the shower. Gross. I wish I could just curl up in my bed and forget everything ever at least just for one day. I also wish I wasn’t so cold right now. Why is it so cold in here?

Last Night

2 Jun

Last night was so scary. I can’t even begin to describe the pain I was feeling in my stomach last night. It was so bad that I didn’t even want to breathe because that just made it worse. I took my pain medications, but I threw them up, so I took more. I threw those up, too, but they stayed down longer than the first ones, so I didn’t think I should take anymore, as they’re really strong pain medicines. They didn’t really seem to help much, though. I eventually called the hospital, but I didn’t want to go, so I didn’t, because I figured it would be the same thing they found on Thursday. I just had an ultrasound and some blood tests then, which showed some unfortunate news, but I figured nothing new had happened between then and now, so I didn’t go. So I just slept on my bathroom floor because I kept vomiting. I was super sweaty, and being on the floor in there cooled me down and made me feel a little less nauseous. I also couldn’t stop shaking. I felt like I was going to pass out, but I didn’t. I kind of wish I would have so that I could just have some rest of some sort. Today, I was supposed to do laundry and buy groceries, but I’m just staying in bed. I feel better than last night…a lot better, but still pretty crappy. Hopefully tomorrow is much better, because that’s when I’m supposed to start my research…

Success!!

8 Apr

Today was the definition of a successful day.

  • Woke up, only cried once today for like 10 seconds max (that’s really good for me these days)
  • Got 100% on group Gross Anatomy quiz
  • Drank tea, studied, found out that I got into that Summer Research Program that I was rejected from earlier because 3 spots opened up!!!!! I’d already employed my backup plan and gotten into a breast cancer research lab, which should be publishing by the end of the summer. Sent out some emails, and it turns out that I can still work in that same lab, but through the Summer Research Program, so now I’m getting paid AND published this summer. Best of both worlds!! I called my mom and told her. She’s ecstatic!
  • Understood lecture (rare occurrence in this neuro pathways section)
  • Lunch: no nausea, cracked jokes
  • Lab: Followed along the entire time, finished early, went home
  • My fridge is fixed
  • I’m motivated to study, so I plan to do a little studying and a little cleaning. We’ll see how that goes!

Success Continued…

So I did clean and study! I didn’t completely finish either, but hey…it’s more than I’ve been doing, so whatever! I made myself something to eat for dinner and I took a shower, too. It seems like every single time I eat something, it gets kicked right back or my stomach just hates me for it. Besides that, today was a complete success. I took some Ambien, so I’m just sitting here ridin…except now there are ROACHES IN MY BED!! Sprayed them with Raid, they didn’t die, WTF!! Today was so good, and then roaches!! BOOO!!!! I’m going to Alex’s House.

Update

31 Mar

This headache is about to make me throw up 😦

…skipped chemo today >_< played a board game instead…woops, oh well!

WTF?!

16 Dec

Found out today that my dad has a brain tumour…

What else? Seriously? WTF?!?!

Note to Self

Never ask what next, because now my cat vomited in my bed. All on my sheets and pillows and everything.

This is something I already knew, but can’t seem to stop doing. Ugh.

And life…boo, you whore!

Oh, don’t mind me. Just venting.

27 Nov

Anemic, low WBC count, fever, neuropathy, blood transfusion, bone pain…today is just faaaaantastic! NOT -______- I wanna go home now.

I am sooooooo sore and tired like ALL the time, and it really makes it hard to get anything done. I’m too tired to even go vomit in the bathroom, but I hate having buckets in my room, it’s gross…but it’s one or the other. Everything tastes/feels like sand in my mouth. I kind of wish food weren’t necessary for survival.

I hate feeling this unproductive. Especially when there’s SO MUCH to be done!

BUT…I DO have to say THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH to my amazing classmates. You guys are so awesome, and I don’t know what I would do without you all.