I saw that Gerson’s diet movie today. I’m not really sure how I feel about it. Everything just seemed so biased, because it was a sales pitch and a lot of the information was outdated. I’m not saying it was a bad idea, I mean eating fruits and vegetables and juicing is super healthy, but the way the word “cure” got thrown around so loosely made me a little uncomfortable. Even the music showed the bias. I’m willing to try…most parts of it, I’m not saying it’s bad. I don’t necessarily agree with the part about the coffee enema. Doesn’t really sound like my idea of a Friday night. The movie just left me feeling defensive and confused because of the subjectivity of it. If it were a little more objective, and stopped making it seem like everyone who does conventional treatment died from it…maybe I wouldn’t feel so conflicted. I feel like conventional medicine and alternative medicine should complement each other, not oppose each other. Just my opinion.
1. I am going to face it.
Don’t run away from it. Don’t treat it like it’s not there, like it has never happened — this will only prolong the period of suffering, and delay the healing. Talk about it, not avoid it. Things only get nastier when you try to sweep them under the carpet. Face that bitch right in the face.
Still no word about my dad’s PET scan. His appointment is on Thursday. I guess we’ll find out then unless my mom calls tomorrow. I think she wants to know, but doesn’t really want to know because she’s scared. She can’t go to his appointment with him either because she has work, and she knows what questions to ask. My dad usually doesn’t ask many questions, so that’s making her nervous, too. I’m sure she’ll call his doctor after his appointment, though.
I visited a friend a few weeks ago, and he and his father were talking about how cancer research is a conspiracy theory, and about how the government has already found a cure for cancer, but they won’t share it because the money is in the treatment and not the cure. They said, knowing about my condition and my father’s condition, that they would never donate money to cancer research. I hate when people say things like this, because there are so many scientists slaving away in their labs trying to cure this awful disease. So many people don’t know that even two people with the same kind of cancer have essentially two different diseases because their bodies work differently and respond to drugs differently. They’re different on a cellular or molecular level, and so the treatment should be tailored to the individual. This makes finding a cure that much harder, because it’s not one cure we’re looking for. It’s not 1 cure for each cancer. Who knows how many different kinds there really are? In the meantime, scientists are making huge headway in coming up with better treatments for cancers than what existed before. Many of these new treatments are less toxic, because they are more directed at the cancer cells due to more specific properties of the cells. I tried to share this information with my friend and his father, but they did not want to hear it. It’s people like this, people who do not listen to the other side of things, that make it harder to get the funding needed to try to find better treatments and even cures.
Is this the fatigue they warned me about, the Ambien not wearing off as fast, or am I just more tired than usual? Not really sure. Either way, I’m incredibly tired. It was a huge effort to hurl myself out of the bed and into the shower this morning. I almost passed out in the shower, so I had to sit down.I hate my naked skin touching the shower, so this was a big deal to me. It was hard to breathe, and I was shaking. If the shower wasn’t on, I probably would have been sweating. Then, I threw up right there in the shower. Gross. I wish I could just curl up in my bed and forget everything ever at least just for one day. I also wish I wasn’t so cold right now. Why is it so cold in here?
I started SRS today. It wasn’t too bad, and I even got to listen to music. I’m just pretty tired now. I had a lot of pain last night, and I’m backed up liked nobody’s business, and I’ve tried pretty much everything.
I don’t feel very well today. I have a fever that keeps getting higher, and it feels all liquidy in my chest, and when I cough, there’s blood in it. I don’t know exactly what’s wrong, but it could be from having the fiducials placed. I called my doctor, and he said the safest thing would be to go to the hospital, but I really don’t want to go. I feel like I’m ALWAYS there. So, I took a Tylenol and I’m waiting it out for a little bit to see if it gets any better. If it doesn’t, then I’ll go in. I’ve been in bed all day, so hopefully that helps. If that wasn’t enough, I’m backed up like nobody’s business! I think it’s the pain meds, but I haven’t gone in a week and a half even though I’ve taken Senekot-S, Miralax, and Colace. No dice. Enough about my bowels, it’s Father’s Day! I didn’t realize it was Father’s Day weekend until Friday night. I talked to my dad and my grandpa, and I think my dad talked me into watching game 5 tonight.
I start SRS for my lungs on Monday. I had my markers placed, my pre-treatment consultation, I’m going in 3 times, and I’m a little nervous. I know it’s not going to be a huge deal…I don’t think it’s going to be a huge deal, but I’m a little nervous about the fatigue that follows. I have research to do, places to go, people to see…well not really people to see, but I don’t want to be insanely fatigued. You catch my drift. I just want this to be over with as quickly as possible, and most importantly, I want it to work! A month from now I’ll get a CT to see if there’s any progress, and that’s the day after my birthday, so there better be some progress! The pain has been more under control recently, and so has the nausea, so that’s good. My parents are gone now, and hopefully we’ll get good news from my dad’s PET scan results ASAP. I didn’t get taken off of any meds, but I got the dosage lowered on one, so that’s good. I think that’s all for now.
I’ve been hanging out with my parents for the last few days, because they’re visiting me. We went to the art museum, took a nap, I went to the lab…but at the lab I passed out and hit my head. Nothing major, just bruised. I finished my 24 hr MTT, though, and I’m doing my 48 hr today and my 72 hr tomorrow. So today my parents and I went to the mall and I got 2 shirts which are really cute. That’s where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing. My stomach, chest, and back been hurting quite a bit, but since my parents are here it’s ok. I have an appointment tomorrow morning with the oncologist and one Saturday morning with the psychiatrist. Hopefully, I’ll get taken off one of the medications. We’ll see.
Mmk folks, so I noticed there was blood in my urine yesterday, so I went to the doctor. He took a urine sample and sent me to the hospital, where they wanted another urine sample. Now, I only pee like once a day…my doctor got about all I was gonna give for the day. Soo they gave me some fluids, but didn’t want to give me a lot so as to avoid the edema problem I’ve been having and pleural effusion problem that I’d had before. Eventually I was able to go a little. Enough for a sample. They found blood (DUH!!) and proteins…more than last time, and told me my kidney function is getting worse. They were talking about dialysis, but they want to try raising the dose of diuretics, and putting me on another blood pressure medication as well as arterial embolization for the tumor partially occluding my renal artery. So if that works, I won’t need dialysis! I’m hoping and praying that this works, because I really really really don’t want dialysis. Really! My parents are coming tomorrow to see me, and they’re going to stay for about a week, I believe. I still have some articles to read for my research, so I guess this will give me a chance to do that.