Good Day

She woke up today. She is not in pain today. We spent good time with her. We got to cuddle with her we talked to her and told her all the good things people said to her and about her. We made sure she stayed comfortable all day. Today was a good day.

My Cousin

I’m writing this for my cousin. She is awake for only short times a day. She needs help doing most things. But her brother got the neighbors to put up their Christmas lights and him and his dad helped them do it. She has trouble breathing and a lot of pain. For Christmas she got a blanket and pajamas and fluffy socks and she really likes them. She likes the Christmas music too. Christmas is her favorite. If you have questions I can answer them and tell her messages for you but she says hi.

Doctor

I had a doctor’s appointment today with my oncologist. It wasn’t great. I’ll post more about it later because I guess I’m really not exactly in the mood to talk about it right now.

Blog — The Battle We Didn’t Choose

Blog — The Battle We Didn’t Choose.

 

My wife’s fight with breast cancer.

Ugh

This ambien just isn’t doing it for me tonight. I have not been able to sleep and take advantage of this daylight savings time which I have been looking forward to. Also, I’ve really been craving wine recently. Weird. I just wanna sleep!!!! Plus, I have this rash all down my left leg and it’s driving me crazy! I have another rash like all around my port and I have no idea what that’s about but it’s kind of worrisome when stuff like that happens. I guess I’m in the right place for stuff like that to happen, though. Ugh.

Fluid

My dad came and took me straight to the hospital. There was fluid building up in my lungs so I got a chest tube placed to drain it, so now I have that little bubbly thing. There was also fluid building up around my heart, so they did a pericardiocentesis to drain that. Plus to prevent more fluid from building up around my lungs, they’re gonna do a pleurodesis, which I’m pretty sure is gonna hurt. They’re basically going to intentionally scar the lining of my lungs with chemicals. I saw my mom, too. My parents were basically surprised by how bad I looked and got all emotional and stuff and it kinda freaked me out. My brother is coming with his girlfriend later. I missed him. But it’s not as hard to breathe now, I just hate being in the hospital.

Getting Harder

Something that I’ve noticed is that it’s getting harder for me to breathe while I lie down. I have to be propped up if I want to breathe well, and it seems like I have to be propped up increasingly more as time has gone on. I don’t know how bad this is going to get, and I haven’t fully addressed it with my doctor yet, because I really just don’t want anything invasive anymore or to be stuck in a hospital again. But I am kind of scared because it’s getting to the point that it’s just harder to breathe in general even with my oxygen, so now I definitely have to fully explain it to my doctor as it’s not only uncomfortable, but it’s frightening. It’s also hard to get decent rest while sitting up, though I have been sleeping pretty much ALL the time.

My pain has been well controlled, and I’m pleased with that. The pain medicines might be causing a bit of my nausea and lightheadedness, but it’s better than the pain. I haven’t really been keeping up like I should with my nutrition and staying hydrated, but I’ll make more of an effort. I’m trying really hard to get used to these Depends, but it’s hard and embarrassing to have to adjust to something like this. I haven’t been making many updates because I haven’t really felt up to it, but I will still try to keep updating.

My mom is going to take some time off of work soon and we’re going to do Christmas a bit early this year. That should be fun. I love Christmas. It’s my favourite.

Outside

I went outside for a little while today. That was good because the weather is beautiful. Now I’m gonna nap. I don’t know why my leg/groin/inner thigh area hurts so much, I didn’t do anything to it, but it feels like I pulled something & my lower back is really sore. Weird.

Hello

Hi everyone, just wanted to make an update.

So the past couple days have been relatively okay. Just a few complaints. My mouth is so dry. I’ve been using the biotene products, but it’s not helping as much as I want it to. It’s so dry it hurts and I have the most awful taste in my mouth. And the nausea, probably from the pain medicines, and there’s this heartburn that won’t go away. It’s getting more and more intense. It was just an inconvenient gurgle at first, but now it’s like the pits of hell are rumbling up through my insides. I’ve been in my bed for most of the time…probably too many hours out of each day. I need to get up and do stuff, I think. I’m pretty sure it’s the depression. Maybe the fact that I’m always exhausted and always sleeping. But otherwise, not too bad.

On a happier note, my little brother got a new cell phone, and it’s lime green, so now we can text each other pictures and we can just…text more. So that is good. My dad and I had a good talk yesterday. My pain meds are working pretty well. I’ve made a classical music playlist that I like to listen to sometimes, and it’s just kind of relaxing. I also really like that song Royals by Lorde. My dad is doing fantastically well, still having dry mouth. He has to drink water and swish it around in his mouth when he eats food so that he can swallow it. But other than that, he’s doing fantastically. So, yeah, that’s my update.

Can’t Sleep

I can’t sleep because I’m anxious, and I don’t know what’s going to happen, and I’m extremely exhausted, so this is just not going to work, no.